Headed for the Door!

 I'm headed for the door

Bags packed for a trip

Not sure if it is the last or not 

To see my kids;

One last time

The hardest thing I've ever done

Beith with them

Just to be gone;

Leaving them was

Pure heartbreak

Watching them cry

Have to leave and take;

That moment with me

All the way to Iraq

I had to see;

Only sleepless nights

Only thinking of them

For most my moments

I was empty from within;

A part of me

I'm not going to lie

Felt so empty without them

I wanted to die;

I figured why

go back home and fight

When their fathers

Got custody without me insight;

Working together

lying in eachothers case

Just so I can return

with nothing to face;

The times I would call

On the nights I had

Both dads made it impossible

It made them just sad;

They didn't car

what the kids were going through

They just cared

what hell they can put me into;

Not one person

Can understand

What I've been through

Dealing with the men and the sand;

I tried many things

To stay occupied

I figured it would help

To keep my eyes on the prize;

My love for my kids

is what kept me alive

I did dangerous things

Just to arrive;

I requested to stay in Iraq

with my old company and unit

My company wouldn't let me

That's when crap hit;

Mortors and Rockets

coming in almost every hour

Hitting the ground

of a 3 story tower;

Watching the death

of one of our own

Just ticked me off more

and its all known;

Watching the beheading 

not able to do anything

made me more ticked

And want to fight with more sting;

Headed back to my cot

After an extreingent day

Just to lock and load

for the peeping tom in my way;

Every night

amongst the stars

A US soldier learking my way;

told my commander with bars;

They didn't do anything

So it was up to me

So hence my M16A2

loaded and laying next to me;

Secretly I would stay on missions

Just in hope to die

For my kids

and the stars and stripes;

I figured I already lost

So why even try

To die as a hero

Then they have a reason why;

Not that I didn't love them

Nor that I cared 

I didn't see the point

To go home with them not there;

I stayed outside the wire 

As much as I could

Until I had gate duty

That was kind of cool,

Went to the movies

Went to the pool

ate a lot of lobster tails

On a bet to see how many I could;

Had to go to Germany

For a lump in my breast

Just to make sure

It wasn't a cancer mass;

Sent back quickly after

Couldn't wait

to start fighting again

inside and outside of the gate;

Kept fixing Humvees

Got fuel all over me

Had to take immediate shower

My motor Sgt. took advantage sexually;

Gone to the pool

Met a wonderful guy

Couldn't keep away

From one another sides;

Couldn't wait to be don

from work or mission

To see him and talk

to him about all the tension;

Things had come to a hault 

When I had to go

Scared to be going home

To what I didn't know.

If you have read all of this, thank you. This is a real situation that happend in 2003-2004. My soldier-sailor relief act was violated and the courts gave the fathers custody of my two children when I was in Iraq. They are both grown adults now and I have grown a lot since then. My uncle just sent this little story to me. 

(Joseph got to the palace because he was thrown in prison. He got thrown in prison because he was lied on. He was lied on after he was sold into slavery. He was sold into slavery after he was thrown into a pit. He was thrown into the pit because he was despised by his haters who couldn’t handle his favor.

I don’t know who I’m talking to but you have been through hell, hate and a whole lot of struggle! It’s not what you did, it’s not because you deserved it, it’s not because God has forgotten about you. See, the Bible promised that, “God will prepare your table in the presence of your enemies.” Listen, “In front of” means for a period of time your enemies will think they’re watching your defeat, but what they don’t know is that God is getting ready to bless you right in front of the people who tried to break you!

This is for some folks who’ve been through the storm and the rain…mistreated and lied on…messed over and counted out! God is preparing a table for you in the presence of your enemies! Don’t give up, keep trusting, keep walking, let them think what they want to think, and keep your eyes on the palace…God is going to show up and show out. This story is not going to end until you win!! #PrayingForYou)

This made me think of all the abuse from them, the courts and anyone that was on their side and not knowing the truth. I have never been so heartless to them. Regardless of the lies and manipulation from them GOD got me through it all. Even though I would love for the kids to understand the truth, they won't ever because they dealt with their own trauma. I can't apologize enough for my part of everything. I truly wish I can take away theirs, but I can't. I can honestly say I never said anything bad about their fathers with my kids or around them. I would never want anything to happen to them. That would not fix the hurt they caused, it would just cause so much pain and hurt to my kids. I don't want my kids hurting or in pain. Losing someone you love is hard and very painful. I just hope and pray they all get saved and understand I tried my best. Also, they were the best thing in my life, and they completed me. I am trying to be the best mom I can to them. Did I fall short at times? YES, I DID. Am I proud of that? NO, I AM NOT. Am I sorry, 100%? YES, I AM. As the two in this situation are now adults, I am trying to have the best relationship with them as I can. It hurts at times because I just want them to be happy and live a good life.

Bible verses related to Protecting Children from the King James Version (KJV) by Relevance

 

 

Matthew 18:10 - Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

Psalms 127:3 - Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Mark 9:42 - And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.

Isaiah 49:25 - But thus saith the LORD, Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken away, and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered: for I will contend with him that contendeth with thee, and I will save thy children.

Luke 17:2 - It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

Psalms 146:9 - The LORD preserveth the strangers; he relieveth the fatherless and widow: but the way of the wicked he turneth upside down.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Psalms 127:1-3 - (A Song of degrees for Solomon.) Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.   (Read More...)

Ephesians 6:4 - And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Psalms 102:28 - The children of thy servants shall continue, and their seed shall be established before thee.

Psalms 112:1-3 - Praise ye the LORD. Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in his commandments.   (Read More...)

Matthew 18:6 - But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

Matthew 25:40 - And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Genesis 43:9 - I will be surety for him; of my hand shalt thou require him: if I bring him not unto thee, and set him before thee, then let me bear the blame for ever:

Psalms 91:9-16 - Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;   (Read More...)

Psalms 68:5 - A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.

Proverbs 4:23 - Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Mark 9:37 - Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.

Colossians 3:21 - Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.